Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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