i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
