I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
