we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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