How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
