A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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