Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize