Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
