Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
