Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
