just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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