The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
