"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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