Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
