Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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