actually, I'm a sock model
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
