He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Randomize
