All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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