I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize