I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize