Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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