We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
