If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
