If i could tip my vagina, i would.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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