smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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