I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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