hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And then he peed in my hair
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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