I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
