Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
