WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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