so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
