So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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