so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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