oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
