I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i think i just lost a toe
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
