My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
