We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
