Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
