I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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