I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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