Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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