i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize