So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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