margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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