I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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