oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
