mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
