It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
