She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
