Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
