Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
