we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
