Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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