do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
