Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
