Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize