and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
ugly people sure do ruin things
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize