i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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