Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
