I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
