At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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