For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
