Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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