Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize