We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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