four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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