great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
