being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
