like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize